i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
