i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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