I will die if light touches me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
