oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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