I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
