Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
