pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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