Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
