We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
