dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i'm inner monologue high
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
