I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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