Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
