so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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