My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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