I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
