God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
