now i know why i became what i already was.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
