I just cut my nipple shaving
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
