Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize