I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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