we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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