I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
