I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
