I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
