i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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