so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
