You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
