How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
