So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
