I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
