This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
