The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize