I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
