Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
