Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
