I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
