so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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