There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
