it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
