It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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