Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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