I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
