ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
