This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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