she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
