never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
