okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
