Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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