you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
