Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
