no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
