R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
