I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
