Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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