made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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