just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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