Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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