if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
