Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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