he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
