I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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