I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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