Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
either way he was missing a nipple.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's never too late to be topless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
