It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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