A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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