I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
