You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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