some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
