I cannot find my penis.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize