why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize