He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
