She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
