It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
