She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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