he puts the penis in happiness.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
