I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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