He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
